You ARE Strong!

Priceless pictures of my family, including some of Justin at basic training! I will update you on some of his experiences later! He amazes me! As for now, here are some of my thoughts...

This post may sound a little self-centered, but it's because i'm speaking about my current experiences...and it involves me! 2009 has been a crazy~emotional time for me! As you all know, Justin joined the Army and has been at basic training since the middle of October! He worked out of town for 2 months before that... so it's been quite the adjustment for me, especially when part of our love languages are 'quality time' and 'physical touch!' I miss even the simplest things. Don't take your loved ones for granted! We took this HUGE step of faith for our family and our future... and it has forcefully put me into another dimension. I typically like change, but when everything changes it's hard to accept. I have been thinking about how to become better, especially going through this time! I refuse to be the kind of person that just survives. I'm the type of person that knows there is an opportunity for progress/growth during any difficult time. What i've struggled with lately is this...I often hear people say to me, "You Are Strong!" Those are probably the hardest words for me to hear right now! Sometimes i just don't want to be strong! When it's said, i feel like i'm put into a category, labeled and then ignored. (Of course, I don't want to hear that i'm weak either!) It's just nice to talk to friends/family who are real, yet sincere. This IS a tough time, i just need to hear that i'm doing a good job! We shouldn't judge or belittle one another. I'm usually an upbeat and optimistic person and that's a choice i make. I get to make a conscience effort everyday to put a smile on my face! I've prayed for understanding about me and my personality many times! I want to improve in any way that i can! As i was contemplating about these feelings the other day, i received a letter from my truly amazing husband who addressed this very concern! He must of felt my inquiry. The Lord does answer prayers and in many cases it's through other people! Justin is far away in miles, but he is still the Patriarch of our family...and he's listening to those promptings. What a blessing. Here are a few words from that letter that i'd like to share.....

"You ARE Strong, but you still need encouragement. I'm glad you're strong and not whiny. You push yourself to be better and that's an awesome trait to have. Just know that i'm really impressed with your discipline. Michelle some are weak and some are strong. It's not a weakness to be helped, but it is a weakness to not help...and you always choose to help and that's a blessing for you and for others.

Keep your strength."

I realize now that it's a gift i've been given! Whether i want to be strong or not, others depend on me for strength and that alone pushes me to be better. I recognize that i must continue to rely on the Lord to receive that constant strength. The scriptures truly enlighten my understanding, but only if i'm seeking that Light. I miss Justin like crazy, yet i feel a calm reassurance because i know i'm not alone in this journey. We have a long, uncertain road ahead and i'm grateful to learn these lessons along the way. My 5 kids are so incredible. They have stepped up and helped me in many ways. As many of you know they are very active children! I know it can be overwhelming for many people to watch my kids run, hop, jump, play cars, play ball, giggle, dance and sing (and sometimes all at the same time), but i will not change their enthusiasm for anything!! They remind me not only to be ALIVE, but to FEEL it too! I love their laughter, smiles, hugs, acts of service around the house, obedience, prayers and shout outs to dad, "We love you dad!" and "Go Army!" Those things truly brighten my day and help me move forward. I even acknowledge their tears, fears, anger and sadness...i won't sugar coat real emotions. Thankfully, i am a journal writer/typer, so i can express raw emotion about my life's story as it REALLY happens! If it was up to me, i would have Justin here, but we had confirmation a year ago that this is what he NEEDED to do. I am so proud that he accepted this call! We are doing what the Lord is asking us to. I have never doubted that decision. Both Justin and i have things to learn right now and i'm doing my absolute best to go through any challenges with an eternal perspective! Raising our children while he's away is quite the responsibility, so i spend alot of time on my knees. If i haven't been more available to you it's because of that. I hope you understand. The adversary is working so hard to distract me... I often have feelings of defeat, sadness and loneliness. I am soooo grateful for God's tender mercies and the many things He puts before me that touch my heart and remind me that i am His beloved spirit daughter. I'm especially grateful for my Savior, Jesus Christ. As we reflect on the blessings we've been given, let us not forget to show love and kindness and strive to be more Christlike. I love all of you and appreciate you encouraging me! Remember that You too Are Stronger than you want to believe... and the Lord is depending on YOU! ♥